Sword Art Online reacts to SAO abridged!
by Firelord67
Summary: The cast of Sword Art Online reacts to their abridged counterparts. Just a fun little thing I'd thought I'd try. Tell me if you want me to go further and have the character actually meet
1. Chapter 1

"Guys! Guys!" said Klein, banging on the door to Kirito and Asuna's log cabin.

The wooden door opened, revealing a very sleepy-looking Kirito.

"Ugh, what is it, Klein?" he said, rubbing his eyes. "I like to _enjoy _my break between episodes! Being a relatable blank-slate isn't exactly the easiest job."

"Forget about that, we have an abridged series!" Klein took out his phone. Kirito's eyes widened.

"Okay, get the rest of the cast,"

_A little bit later._

Kirito sent out a group invite to the entire cast of characters, including Kayaba, Agil, Lisbeth, Silica, Leafa, Oberon, Sinon, and Sachi. They, along with Kirito, Asuna and Yui, were all sitting in Kirito's living room.

"Thank you all for coming," said Kirito, getting up onto the coffee table. "I know it's supposed to be our day off, but we have urgent news,"

"You already mentioned that in your invite, just get to the point!" said Lisbeth.

"Okay, prepare yourselves," Kirito took out his phone. "We have an abridged series!"

A collective gasp rang throughout the room.

"Can we sue them?" said Silica, hopefully.

"Afraid not," said Kirito. "The disclaimer is airtight,"

Silica groaned.

"Is it any good?" said Kayaba. "I mean, if it's abridged, then surely it can't be very serious. Remember Yu-Gi-Oh abridged?"

The group nodded in agreement.

"I don't know," said Kirito. He turned on the TV and started streaming his phone to it. "I figured we should watch it together and see what they come up with,"

"Good, I could use a good laugh," said Sachi.

And with that, Kirito turned on the first episode.

_After episode one._

"I have to say," said Kayaba. "I kinda liked what they did with me. Much more relatable,"

"Good for you," said Kirito, frowning. "Why am I such a jerk?"

"I know, right?" said Klein. "It's like, you but with less sanity!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"They skipped a lot of the world-building," Oberon pointed out.

"I know right?" said Kayaba. "Wasn't that the hook to the show? Living in a video game?"

"I wonder what _I'm _like," said Asuna, her finger on her chin.

"Only one way to find out!" said Silica.

_Halfway through episode two._

Kirito was laughing his socks off, while Asuna looked offended.

"Come on, Kirito! I'm not _that _stupid,"

"Are you kidding?" said Kirito, in between fits of laughter. "You were hilarious as a noob!"

"I have to admit, this is pretty funny," said Sinon. "Especially in the opening bit with the narrator,"

"And that theme song is so cool!" said Oberon. "I think I'll make it my ringtone,"

_After episode two._

Kirito looked apologetically at Agil.

"Okay… maybe I was a bit of a jerk, back then," he awkwardly smiled.

"I'm just glad you changed for the better after episode three," said Sachi.

"I honestly don't know what to make of my counterpart," said Asuna.

Agil shook his head.

"Let's just watch the next episode.

_After Sachi's death._

Kirito and Sachi were clinging to one another on the couch.

"That… was not fun to relive," said Sachi. Kirito nodded in agreement.

"What are you two doing?" said Asuna, glaring at their closeness.

"Nothing!" they jumped apart.

Yui giggled. Kirito glanced between her and Sachi a few times. He could swear that they looked… similar.

"In all honesty, it looks like they're just exaggerating Kirito's character arc for humor," she pointed out.

"In fact..." Asuna looked at Kirito. "Exactly what happened between you two that episode?"

"Nothing!" Kirito blushed. Sachi hid her face in her gloves.

_After episode three._

Kirito and Klein glanced at one another.

"Woah," said Klein. "That was… unexpected,"

"No kidding," said Kirito. "What about the part where I heard Sachi's message?"

"Is no one going to mention the drunk man?" said Kayaba.

"I think they're trying to convey some kind of theme," said Sinon.

"Since when do abridged series' have themes?" said Leafa.

"Uh, I'm kind of scared to watch the next one," said Silica. "I can only imagine what will happen,"

"It's what the fans want," said Lisbeth.

_The scene where Kirito saves Silica._

Silica was tightly hugging her dragon, her eyes blank.

"Well, that was weird," said Kirito.

"What do you mean?" asked Yui.

"Since when do women fall in love with me so easily?" he pointed out.

Silica, Lisbeth, Leafa, Asuna, and Sinon all blushed.

_The scene where Kirito cries about Sachi._

"You remembered me for that long?" said Sachi.

"Uh… well..." Kirito had trouble finding the right words.

"I think he forgot about you until "Crimson Killing Intent," said Asuna.

"You… forgot about me?" said Sachi.

"Hey! Don't get the wrong idea, it's just… well… it was a while… and…"

"You wanted to avoid a subplot, didn't you?" said Lisbeth.

"_Yes," _said Kirito, admitting defeat.

"Looks like they followed through with that here," said Sinon.

"Well, it's not like it's gonna _go _anywhere," said Kirito. "It's an abridged series for goodness sake!"

_After Kirito's monologue._

"That… was kinda embarrassing, now that I think about it," Kirito said, rubbing his head. "Even without the oversized ego,"

Everyone nodded in agreement.

_After episode four._

"I… have no words," said Silica.

"Me neither," said Kirito.

Everyone sat there in silence.

"Welp," said Lisbeth. "Episode five!"

_After episodes five, and six_

"Why do we seem to hate each other?" said Kirito, a confused look on his face.

"Because it's a tsundere relationship, duh," said Asuna.

"Well, yeah. But in this version, it's almost like you actively want me dead,"

"Kirito!"

"What?"

_After episode seven_

Everyone looked at Asuna with a scared expression.

"I'm… not a yandere, I swear," she said, quickly.

"Still," said Lisbeth. "That was terrifying!"

"I'm the tsundere, remember?" Asuna pointed out.

"Wait, I thought I was the tsundere," said Leafa.

"You're the kanidere,"

"Isn't that me?" said Silica.

"No, you're the dandere," said Lisbeth.

"What are they saying?" Kirito whispered to Klein.

"I don't know, I don't speak Harem!" said Klein.

"What's Harem?"

_After episode eight._

Everyone looked at Kirito now.

"I'm… not a sadist," he said.

"Is it just me, or did they put _way _too much thought into the romance subplot?" said Klein.

"Maybe," said Kayaba. "It's like they have chemistry, but the kind that makes an atom bomb," he blinked. "Oh great, I'm speaking abridged. Anyway, let's watch the next episode. I want to see how they made me,"

_After episode nine._

Kirito covered Yui's eyes and ears as he and Asuna's jaws dropped.

Kirito cleared his throat and grinned at his wife.

"Well, I certainly remember _that _night," he winked.

"Kirito! Not in front of Yui!" said Asuna.

"What?" said Yui.

"Nothing!" said both her parents.

Kayaba was laughing like crazy.

"My counterpart is hilarious!"

Yui smiled.

"He certainly was, Mr. Akihiko,"

"Alright, now for episode ten!"

"Isn't that the episode where Yui shows up?" said Lisbeth

Kirito and Asuna swapped scared glances. Yui's eye's widened.

"I'm not sure I want to see… _that _again," said Kirito.

"Me neither," said Asuna. "Come on, Yui, let's go do something else,"

The three of them walked outside.

"Okay, roll the episode!" said Klein.

_After episode ten, (My favorite)._

Klein and Lisbeth were both crying in each other's embrace. Kayaba was wiping a tear from his eye. Silica's face was buried in Pina's feathers. Sachi was also crying.

"That was so romantic!" said Silica, in between sobs.

"And Yui's scenes were done perfectly!" said Kayaba.

"That roast to Yuilier was pretty epic," said Sinon, keeping her monotone.

Just then, Asuna and Kirito walked in on this rather disheveled scene.

"Well..." said Asuna. "Good thing we didn't see it,"

"I know," said Kirito. "These people sure are talented. Although, maybe we should wait until things die down until we watch the season finale,"


	2. Chapter 2

"Alright, who's ready for the season finale?" said Lisbeth.

"Go ahead," said Kayaba. "I mean, after that last episode, I don't think it could get that intense after that last episode,"

"Here we go," said Kirito, pressing the 'play' button.

_Heathcliff's speech._

"You know, they certainly know how to write a decent speech," said Kayaba.

_75th boss battle._

"Man, I wish it was that easy," said Asuna.

"But the experience was well worth it!" said Kirito.

Everyone gave him varying looks of disapproval.

"What?"

_Kirito's reason for buying the game._

"They've got a point there," said Kayaba.

Everyone looked at him.

"I mean, I wasn't taking any chances with the game, being the first of its kind and all,"

"Okay, but what about all those basic game design flaws?" said Klein.

"I... forgot why I put them there,"

Kirito rolled his eyes.

"What?" said the Kayaba, "I forget things,"

_Kirito attacks Kayaba,_

"Dang, why didn't I think of saying that?" said Kayaba.

"Why does this Kirito seem so much more confident than I was?" said Kirito.

"Well, you're not on a power trip," said Klein.

"Fair,"

_Kirito's explanation._

"Okay, why can't we have plot twists like that?" said Sinon. "I mean, we barely foreshadowed that one!"

"I was a little short on episodes," said Kirito. "I kinda had to move things along,"

_Kirito's monologue._

"Dang... why didn't I get something like that?" said Kirito.

"Now that I think about it," said Klein. "What did I even end up doing?"

Everyone thought for a while.

"I got nothing," said SIlica.

"I mean, I barely did much," said Lisbeth.

"Now now," said Asuna. "I'm sure they won't change much else. I mean, it's the finale,"

_After Asuna says "Go suck a d**k,"_

"Oh come on, that was a passionate moment!" said Asuna.

"I kinda liked it," said Kayaba. "I mean, didn't you two get like... one and a half episodes of bonding?"

"Most of it happened off-screen," said Yui.

"Oh yeah, you got to see the whole thing," said Leafa. "You'll have to tell someday,"

"Okay, Auntie Leafa!"

_Kayaba battle._

"I kinda wish they'd play the theme song in-show at least once," said Kayaba. "I mean, those were good songs!"

_Kirito and Asuna reunion._

"I remember that," said Kirito, staring lovingly at his wife.

"I was so happy..." said Asuna.

"Get a room, you two!" said Kayaba.

"This is our house," said Asuna.

_Kayaba's motive._

"Uhhh..." Kayaba awkwardly rubbed the back of his head. "I feel a bit silly now,"

"Yeah, the mystique feels a little underrated now," said Kirito.

"I mean, how hard was it to think a decent reason?" said Sinon. "Hubris? Hackers? Rogue AI? No offense, Yui,"

"None taken," said Yui

"Yeah, you should get that checked out if you forgot something like that," said Yuuki.

Everyone stared at her.

"Weren't you dead?" said Asuna.

Yuuki shrugged. "Authorial bias,"

"Oh, okay,"

_After the episode._

Everyone sat in silence.

"Well," said Kirito. "That was..."

"...something," said Asuna.

"What should we do now?" said Keiko.

"We could go visit our abridged counterparts and chat it up," said Klein.

**Alright, everyone. If you want me to write the OG cast meeting their abridged versions, please leave a review.**


	3. Chapter 3

_At Something Witty Entertainment..._

Kirito picked up the phone.

"Hello?" he said. "Is this Pheonix Wright? Yes, I'd like to call copyright infringement. Your bible says I can't call copyright on god? This 'god' can go..."

A knock was heard at the door.

"Ugh," Kirito pulled the phone away from his head. "ASUNA! I'M ON THE PHONE! CAN YOU GET THE DOOR?"

"GO SUCK A DICTIONARY!"

"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?"

"THERE'S A PROFANITY FILTER!"

"OH! THAT MAKES TOTAL SENSE!"

"I'll get the door!" said Yui. She happily walked over to the door of the log cabin and opened it.

"Hello! How can I..." she started to say before she was face to face with an exact copy of herself.

"Oh, are you the abridged me?" said the other Yui.

"You're the original me?' said abridged Yui.

The other members of the original cast walked over.

"Yes, we're here for an interview," said Kirito.

Abridged Yui blinked. Then she called out.

"Mommy! Daddy! Your counterparts are here for an interview!"

"DADDY'S BUSY SWEETIE!" Abridged Kirito shouted. "No, I'm not a lawyer. What do you mean that hat was the wrong size?"

Abridged Asuna groaned and got up from the couch.

"Yeah, what is... oh!" she suddenly said upon seeing the group. "Uh, hi?"

"Hi!" said Asuna. "We're here for an interview,"

"Oh sure, just once Kirito is done with that phone call,"

"When will that be?" said Kirito.

"About 15 minutes, given the volume. I'll call the rest of the cast,"

_About 20 minutes later._

"So..." Kirito said to his abridged counterpart. "It's a pleasure to meet you,"

Abridged Kirito looked him up and down.

"I'd like to say the same thing, but at this point, I think we both know who the superior is in this room."

"Right..." Kirito said. "So... what should we talk about?"

"Well, we could list every single way that I completely dominate you. That should fill some time," Abridged Kirito smirked.

"I guess," Kirito narrowed his eyes. "Okay, I'll go first. I have every element that a protagonist needs to be relatable,"

"And we're off to a great start!" Abridged Kirito chuckled. "I have way more characterization than you! Heck, half your fans only care about the supporting cast, while the other half just wants to be in your shoes,"

"Fine," Kirito sighed. "I also have a loving daughter and a beautiful wife,"

"Are you sure about that? Cause most that "Love story" of yours happened offscreen. I, on the other hand, got five whole episodes to flesh it out. And I'm pretty sure my Yui is unquestionably the better one,"

"Uhh..." Kirito didn't know how to respond to that.

_Meanwhile..._

"Love your parents?" said Abridged Yui.

"Yep,"

"Escaped Kayaba because you wanted to know them better?"

"Yep,"

"Had your twisted AI logic lead you to perform a cruel prank on them?"

"No,"

Abridged Yui looked up from her list.

"That sounds mean!" said Yui.

"Is it just me, or do you seem a lot younger than me?" said Abridged Yui.

"I thought we were the same age," said Yui.

"I don't know, you seem more... innocent than I am," Abridged Yui stroked her chin.

"Hmm?"

"Well, what did you do when you wanted to meet Kirito and Asuna?"

"I found a glitch and ended up in the game... but I forgot everything," Yui admitted.

"Really? Cause I remember the whole thing. I did sort of... lie to them about who I was,"

"Huh? But that's not very nice,"

"Exactly my point. We're different!"

"But why is that?"

"I don't know. Mama says I got it from Papa's side of the family, but I think it was mostly hers,"

"I wonder what Uncle Klein is doing..." Yui wondered.

_Meanwhile..._

"So, what do you think is different about us?" said Abridged Klein.

"Well, you had a few more jokes and a larger role in the plot," said Klein. "Other than that, we're the same,"

"Well, that was trivial," said Abridged Klein. "So, what exactly is your Asuna like?"

"Oh, you're gonna get a load out of this..."

_Meanwhile..._

The two Asunas were engaged in an intense intimidation match.

"Alright, what's up with you?" said Abridged Asuna.

"What do you mean?" said Asuna.

"I mean, why are you so... girly?" Abridged Asuna cringed.

"What are you talking about, I hardly ever do anything _girly,_"

"Yeah right. Kirito was right in the palm of your hand, and yet _he _was the only one with the guts to do anything,"

Asuna blushed and fidgeted with her hair.

"I mean... he's just so confident, and brave... sometimes I just can't think right when he's around..."

"So monopolize on it!"

"Huh?"

"If he means that much to you, you should do whatever it takes to make him yours, and only yours! Like me, I followed him around, intentionally found a way into every situation he got himself in, sabotaged any other girl that walked within five feet of him, while _you_ just stood there, while three other women tried to get a hold on him!"

"What are you talking about?" Asuna tilted her head.

Abridged Asuna facepalmed.

"You're telling me, that you NEVER once considered, that maybe Lisbeth, Silica, Leafa, Sachi, and Sinon were getting a _little _too close to him?"

"Kirito would never do that to me!" Asuna proclaimed.

"Yeah, but still! You have minuscule standards when it comes to romance. I mean, I punch him during sex to make sure he stays with me!"

"You what now?"

"Seriously, did your mom forget to hit you or something?"

Asuna's eyes perked up.

"Huh?"

"She didn't?" Abridged Asuna looked just as surprised.

"Your mom beat you?"

"Yeah, all moms do that. Heck, I even sometimes do with it Yui when she misbehaves,"

"Okay..." Asuna wanted to move away from that particular topic. "What was your dad like?"

"Beats me, he hardly shows up," Abridged Asuna shrugged "I mean, he only shows up when he wants something from us. He sorta left mom with the whole custody,"

"Mom and dad divorced?"

"They're still together?"

Both Asuna's looked at each other in surprise.

"That explains so much," they said at the same time.

_Meanwhile..._

"And checkmate!" said Abridged Kirito, moving a Shogi piece on the board. "And with that, I am officially the superior Kirito,"

Kirito groaned.

"You know what? Let's resolve this like real otaku,"

Abridged Kirito sat down.

"I'm listening,"

"5v5, Sword Art Online, no items, magic on, healer/DPS only,"

"Done,"


End file.
